This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
