Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
