Me too!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
