she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
