yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
