I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
