I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
