R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
