have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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