let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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