I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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