my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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