we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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