This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
