his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
