omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
