Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize