You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
