I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
