I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
