TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
