there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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