.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
