We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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