hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
