hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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