We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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