Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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