You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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