So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i would punch a child for taco bell
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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