just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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