I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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