He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
