dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
