Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
