Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
