Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
