I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
