That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
