i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
