You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
