Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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