the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
