Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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