i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
