ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
