So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
