First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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