I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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