Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
