I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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