I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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