I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
