I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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