I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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