she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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