i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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