I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
