i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize