after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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