make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
