She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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