ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
