i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
